Before Chemo #5

I hope this finds each and everyone of you back comfortably in your own realities after the holidays. As I prepare for Chemo#5 tomorrow, consume all of my meds (steroids, zantac, and cinnamin chai tea, thanks to Heather Foley), get as many chores and tasks done before I'm knocked on my ass yet again - there were others that lived horrible realities through the holidays that I'd like to take a moment to pay their respects. The holidays are the worst time for tragedies to happen.  Maybe because it's supposed to be such a happy time, one of joy, and giving.  We all heard of the house fire in CT or the family shooting in TX. There were people who passed away over the holidays. I lost a woman I called a dear friend, to cancer. She fought it for many years, lived with it, saw it come and go. But you would have never known it by looking at her, however I'm sure the ones closest to her experienced every minute of it. And that's not an easy battle to fight either. Another friend by association, found out she's terminal. And I have a work associate terminal with another. I say these things not to make you feel guilty for having a good time through the holidays. Hell, I did. We all deserve it. I say it mostly because it's things like this - tragedy, death, cancer - that make as look at our own lives, remind ourselves what's most important to us.

I couldn't go through any of this without all of the love and support. I don't say this to expect more (although I'm not one to deny anyone giving me a lil' love=). Cancer comes in all forms, and it effects people in a number of different ways. Besides me, I'm sure you know a number of people that have fought it, are fighting, survived, died, or has had to care for a loved one going through it. So when I hear folks say that I look great (which thanks by the way) or amazed that I ride my bike (which I've only done twice throughout all of this), what you're not seeing are the days when I'm laid up in bed, having chestpains, moving so slow I feel what it'll be like to be elderly, so tired that I can't even lift my head, and feeling aches throughout my whole body I've never felt my entire life.

With that, I hope to truly document, with words and photos, what it's like, for me that is. I'll go out an about each day. I have to. Physically because my body needs the fresh air and the movement. Mentally because my brain needs something more than TV and electronics. So I'll do it early in the day while I have the energy. I'll try to nap, but it just doesn't work and somehow I feel worse afterwards. I'll go to sleep around 9pm, wake up around 6am. Will either read or check emails or play games, waiting for my eyelids to get heavy once again. And then sleep until about 8 or 9am. So it'll be the time at home that I'll focus on.

I have appointments early on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday, I have my first pelvic exam with my GYN since all of this began. It's something I'll talk about once I actually what know is going on with my reproductive organs. One, I need to deal with the outcome first. Two, I thought it best to have has few emails as I can openly mention menstrual cycles, periods, discharge - oops, guess this one is one of the few. Then I'll go to work for a bit before I return to the hospital to receive my Neulasta Immunity Booster shot, which ironically may be the cause of the extreme soreness in my neck and shoulders for the several days afterwards. I've found it odd the last two times that the nurse was surprised when I said that I'll take it in my arm. Does one have something to do with the other? What if I take it in my ass? Will my hips, thighs and ass hurt? Which one will be better? May ask you heads or tails the day of, so stay tuned.

On Friday, I have a site visit to review the location for Japan Day @ Central Park (yes, it's here already, and will actually be on Mother's Day - stay tuned)!  So after we're done, I may just spend the rest of the morning while I have the energy roaming through the Park. Again, great to live in New York.

Off to take my steriod pills, zantac, and colace. Then get some shut eye before I prepare to conquer the Red Devil.

Love you all.
Laurie

Treatment after Christmas Vacation

Yesterday, was chemo#4, the day after we returned from holiday in Louisiana. So if you're asking yourself if I actually scheduled my chemo treatment around our christmas vacation, the answer is yes. Haven't we met?

I didn't blog because I finally uploaded pictures since September to Facebook, and worked on my 100+ work emails collected while away. And we didn't do a meal list because of the hectic holidays & the fact we're mostly covered by visiting with friends & family.

As for chemo#4, I'm being extremely diligent about medication & nutrition. Medication - eating Tums every 3-4 hours to prevent the massive heartburn, taking an anti-nausea pill at the slightest queasy stomach, etc. Nutrition - small portions (i.e. listening to Graham when he says that I've had enough), no tomatoes or peppers for the first five days (to aid in anti-heartburn), high proteins (to aid in healthy cell regrowth), high ruffage & fat-free (to aid in digestion). And as always, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate - to force flushing of the system, so to speak.

I hope everyone's holidays went and are still going along smoothly. Here's to going into 2012 with a more educated mind, a warm heart and a healthier body. May all of your wishes during this time be fulfilled, and may you all find the enlightenment you're needing & searching for.

All my love,
Laurie

Chemo Treatment 3 of 6

day 1, wed - finished in 1/2 the time since I haven't had any side effects during infusion.  went to the office for a little bit then to home to start resting up!

day 2, thurs - 1/2 day at the office while I have energy, but I feel the exhaustion setting in at 11am, but I have to wait to get to the hospital for my immunity boost injection.  I go home right afterwards at 2pm to sleep.  Starting to feel the achiness, and nausea sets in.  Thank goodness for medication.  A dear friend delivers dinner.

day3, fri - morning meeting at the office, leave by 11am.  At home, I can't move.  I start to feel abdominal pains, and exhaustion.  I take the codine and regelin to ease, but simply need to wait it out.  Another dear friend delivers dinner.

day 4, sat - exhaustion, achiness, exhaustion, soreness, exhaustion, achiness.  Feel good in the morning, so make the family blueberry pancakes which are actually great for me to eat.  But I must get out.  Twins have a playmate's birthday party and it's good to get out and sit amongst friends.  We go home, and I a little chinese food (which, no matter how much soy sauce, still can't taste) and then try to get through the night of constipation (due to chemo and codine), achiness and stomach pains.

day 5, sun - feel good in the morning.  I go grocery shopping in the morning, but have it all delivered.  It feels good to walk and stretch my body.  I go home and crash.  Another birthday party in the evening, which we all enjoy.  But once we're home and I get the girls settled for the night, the achiness and pain sets in.  It's a tough night, but I get through.

day 6, mon - Still feeling abdominal pain, plus one of the girls have a fever.  I stay home with her and we both sleep it out.  But by the time the night comes, my head is pounding with congestion, and I have to do everything I can not to get a fever.  Another dear friend delivers dinner.  Once the girls are asleep, I nasal wash, take a hot eucalyptus, rub myself with mentholatum, put hydrogen poroxide drops into my ears, and snuggle into bed.  Once the hubby gets home, he rubs my head with Tiger Balm, and puts mentholatum on my feet.  I sleep all night long. 

day 7, tues - I wake still feeling the sinus headache, but check my temperature (every four hours) and ensure that it doesn't go above 100 degrees (in which I'd have to get to the hospital ASAP).  I nasal wash in the morning, and feel better.  I get a decongestant (not Advil, no blood thinners), and go to work. My head still aches, and whenever I bend down or put my head lower than my heart my head fills like it'll explode!  I leave work early, and take it easy at home.   A dear friend from afar ordered dinner for us.  Hubby gets home and takes care of the girls.  I do my nightly detox - eucalyptus bath, nasal wash, drops in ears, mentholatum rub and snuggle in.

day 8, wed - I wake feeling much, much better!!!!!  Fighting chemo and a cold!  Now, that's exhausting!  Off to work!

day 9, thu - feel well enough to attend the festival holiday party!

day 10, fri - feel completely normal.  We take the girls to see Cathy Rigby in PETER PAN at Madison Square Garden, and it's completely amazing!!!!

day 11, sat through day 15, wed - all is well, and if you couldn't see my bald head you'd think I was completely healthy!

day 16, thur - travel day to New Orleans.  I wrap my right arm, the one with the 24 removed lymph nodes, with an ace bandage during the flight in order to prevent swelling.  However, the 3.5 hour flight still causes swelling, and towards the end I'm the crazy lady holding her arm in the air & massaging it madly.  It's sore for several hours after we land and returns to normal soon after.  The plane ride was fine, and couldn't expect any more germs on an airplane than exists on the New York subway.  However the second twin gets the first twins' fever and we work over the next 3 days on fighting the virus. it works!

day 17, fri - we go for a boat ride on the bayou!

day 18, sat - Christmas Eve, and see old friends at mass. I wear my wig for the first time, so as to not draw anymore attention than need be.  I realize that it actually helps mask me like I never thought!  No one is looking, and that's strange for south Louisiana!  It itches a bit, but other than that, completely works. 

day 19, sun - Christmas Day, couldn't have asked for more.

day 20, mon - Large family get together in Baton Rouge, and it's great to see the extended family.

day 21, tues - travel day back to NYC.  Since the flight is an hour shorter due to tailwind, there is no swelling in the arm, just a little soreness.  We get home, unpack and I prepare for treatment #4!

LIFE WITH CHEMO ....

... can sometimes seem like normal.  For just a second, then something like the sores on my tongue, a peek at my reflection in a passing store window, the deep sighs that help me catch my breath - they all remind me.  There are times I use my cancer card, in fact as often as I can.  To grab a seat on the subway, to get out of helping with thanksgiving dinner, to get out of doing dishes. But for the most part, I try to do everything I can, as if life were normal. But there are times I can't.  I can't make it to the Beijing Dance Co's performance at Lincoln Center because I wore myself out on Thanksgiving.  I can't go to the closing night of the solo festival I labored on all year long, because it's the weekend after a treatment & I'm knocked on my ass.  I can't go to a late night avant garde show with my best friends because anything after 9pm is considered bedtime.

Then there's the actual care of one's self.  Imagine the concept?  See, while on chemo it's hard for your body to heal.  In any possible way, it's hard to heal.  A paper cut here, a bite of the tongue there.  It all adds up.  I think of people whose lives are changed by a diagnosis in which they must make a drastic change to their lifestyle, overnight and for the rest of their lives.  Like the bubble boy, allergic to everything.  Or those with severe asthma that must keep everthing pristine.  I imagine it, and, as silly as it sounds, am thankful that I just have cancer.  That this is only temporary and I hold onto that.

When I eat, I need to ensure that the food isn't too hot. I already burnt my tongue on the first day of chemo by the first sip of hot soup.  That was 6 weeks ago & it just now feels like it's on the verge of healing.  There have been other, shall we say, mouth incidents.  A few ulcers, or whatever they are inside your mouth, have popped up. You know, those little sores that randomly appear, bother the hell out of you when they're there, and then majically disappear.  Well, imagine that they don't.  So instead of becoming obsessed with them, which is easy to do, I do anything to find a little relief, and sometimes if I'm lucky, a little remedy.   I chew on gum or suck on a throat lozenge whenever possible.  It helps to keep the mouth & throat well lubricated.  When I brush my teeth I have to be extra careful not to brush my gums too hard.  When I floss I have to make sure I don't break any skin.  Then rinsing with mouthwash is extremely painful, especially on my raw tongue but I know it's doing its job of disenfecting.  And in the worse case scenario, I rinse with baking soda, salt & lukewarm water, which is about as nasty as it can get.

When my husband and twins come down with colds, I become obsessed with hand washing, whenever I touch anything, use the bathroom, touch a door handle.  Hand sanitizer becomes my friend. I start to feel like an OCD person who's fearful of germs & can't imagine the life.  It's tiring.  See the slightest illness or fever can send me to the hospital for days, and on the verge of pheumonia.  So I nasal wash the girls at night in the tub, and do it to myself, but not too hard.  I can't pop a vessel.  When I blow my nose, I have to do it gently. 

And now that I'm washing and cleaning my hands every 10 minutes throughout the day, they are extremely dry. So after each cleansing, I must moisterize.  If not, I'll get a small cut here and there, never knowing where exactly it came from.  And when I find it, I have to watch over it carefully until it's fully healed, ensuring that it doesn't become infected.

When I cook I have to be careful during each step.  I idioitically put my hand in the skillet to adjust the bacon, just like I normallly would.  Sounds stupid I know but it never hurt me before. But now, I can feel the heat before my finger touches down and I wake up, as if in a daze, and remind myself I'm on chemo. 

But there are times when I feel daring, as if i say, I've got cancer, how much worse can it get?  Being a New Yorker, one always tempts fate, but when I'm on my uphill, I'm Evil Kinevil.  I race for the subway door and stick my foot in as I stare down the conductor letting her know that I'm only going in one direction.  Or crossing the street, jaywalking really and doing it in front of a cop car.  C'mon, arrest me.  Or especially when I bike, weaving in and out of cars as I make my way crosstown. I know it's wrong, and even stupid. I know that I must be even more careful now then ever before.  But it's at these times that, just for a moment, I feel like I'm my old self.   Before cancer.  Before a label that will forever put me into a category and group that no one could ever possibly wish for.  

So as I go through chemo, I strive to keep life as normal as possible.  If not for me, then for Graham and the girls.  The girls do ask if someone is bringing us dinner on certain nights, and they've learned that it's when mommy has had chemo.  Sophie is asking for me to tell her the story about my boobs less and less.  They don't even think twice about my bald head.  But they know they can't kiss me on the lips anymore, so I'm finding them more and more wanting to kiss my cheeks or even my head.  They've mastered covering themselves when they cough, but still want to jump on mommy at the most inconvenient moments.  How do you say no to a 3 year old's love?  You can't.  And when they're sick, you can't turn your back.  Even if it means you could wind up in the ER.  So I also become obsessed with checking my temperature every 4 hours when the girls are sick, to ensure it doesn't go above 99 degrees.  The docters cringe when I tell them that the girls have been sick, but what do you do?  Not care for your kid?  Not hold her when all she needs is mommy's comfort?  Tell me one mother who wouldn't. 

So the answer is that life on chemo sucks.  You feel achy, exhausted, and sometimes painful.  Nutrition is the key.  Eating the right things - before, during and after chemo.  What's even more ridiculous is by the time I master it, I'll be done, and crossing all fingers, hopefully for good. 

CHEMO TREATMENT 2 OF 6

day1, wed - a bit tired after treatment but I stop by the office anyways for a couple of hours.

day2, thur - I have tons of work to do so I push through & work a full day, at night I'm worn out and am thankful for the dinner brought over by a friend.

day3, fri - still tired, but in order to not fall behind at work I push through one last time. I feel the exhaustion take over & when I get home, I completely pass out.

day4, sat - I can barely move. I bring the girls to a playdate, thankful for friends who will watch over them for 8 hours. I rest & feel better. My eyes are bigger than my stomach and I eat what I want. Not a good idea. That night I puke. I realize I didn't heed any of my nutrition advice that I did the first time around and am now paying the price. At least I now know what I shouldn't do.

day5, sun - I take it easy, on both my body & mind.

Day 6, mon - I feel better & pace myself. Full work day & go straight home.

Day 7, tues - good day, work, visit with best friends & home. Rest as much as possible

Day 8, wed - slow work day, bring the girls to the rehearsal of the Camp Broadway kids for Macys, dinner then trip to Macys to write their letters to Santa.

Day 9, Thanksgiving - good day, but sad that I'm missing out on drinking. I never realized how much I enjoyed  drinking on turkey day until I couldn't. I throw the football around & feel good.

Day 10, fri - start holiday decorating, visit with best friends - LSU FOOTBALL!

Day 11, sat - grocery shopping, playground with the girls, and visit with best friends.

Day 12, sun - relax and clean the house, dinner out with the girls (friends not twins)

Day 13, mon through Day 17, fri - All is as well as can be. Energy good. Appetite good. Work full days, but still pace myself & am able to keep up with the family at night.  I bike to work on Day 16, Thursday, and make it home in 45min! Feeling great!

Day 18, sat - Do as many chores before the holidays as possible! Full on grocery shopping, cook a large batch of red beans and rice to eat and last the week (start eating lots of protein in preparation of treatment #3), clean house.
Day 19, sun - another day of chores!  10 loads of laundry, cook another large meal (meatballs!) to eat and freeze, clean house, organize office, and buy & decorate the christmas tree!  Ready for my downhill to start.

Day 20, mon - good day at work.  The girls' rug for their room comes in so I cook dinner and clean out their room to place it.  Becomes more of a complete sanitizing of their room, and wonder why the hell did I start this at the end of my day!

Day 21, tues - feeling great.  good day at work, good evening with the girls, and their desks come in.  so of course, I'm intent on putting them together before tomorrow's treatment when I'll be out of commission for another 1.5 weeks.  Take my steriods.

LOSING MY HAIR

(warning:  words like pubic and tampons used below)

The first time I went more than three days before I needed to shave my pits? As far as I'm concerned never, until Sunday nov 6. When I went to the oncologist 1.5 weeks after my first treatment of chemo, I had yet to start losing the hair on my head, but I did notice that I hadn't need to shave my pits. And then it wasn't until three days after that until my pubic hairs started falling out. The main reason I noticed was because I had just started my period, which meant I hadn't gone pre-menopausal just yet. But since I had to wear pads, the hairs stuck to it and were coming out in droves. Yes, a downside was that I had to revert back to the seventh grade and wear maxis. See, my body with low white blood cell count would not be able to fiend off TSS at any level from the mere use of tampons. So even though there was the perk of of the carpet eventually matching the drapes and some sense of my sexuality intact, I had to walk around as if I were still in junior high. postive = 2, negative 1

Then my hair on my head started falling out before the hair on my legs so life wasn't going along all that perfectly.  I was taking my morning shower, and started to enjoy what I knew would be the last hair wash for a very long time.  Each strand of hair was no longer than 3" but the drain looked as it were down my back.  I took a deep breath and held back the tears.  I needed my hair to stay on through the night at least for the opening of the festival.  So I used the last of the rationed hair gel and stuck my hair to my scalp for as long as possible.  

I got through the day, holding myself back from running my fingers through my hair. Instead, I became obsessed with patting it down.  And the times I couldn't help myself, I pulled more and more out.  The festival opened, and the hair stayed on all night long.  But when I got home, I couldn't hold back anymore.  I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and began running my fingers through my hair.  And it came out.  Not in clumps but in fingers full. I had to stop.  I needed to go one more day before I could shave it.  Sunday morning was the only time Graham and the rest of us would be together for the next four days, and I knew it wouldn't last that long.  

I got the girls home on Saturday and started talking to them.  We were in the bathroom on the potty, and I said, "Do you wanna pull some of mommy's hair out?" and they eagerly replied yes.  Fortunately I've raised girls who aren't queasy and turns out, a little bit masochistic. We brought in a trash can, and they began the process.  I had to stop them before they pulled it all out.  My scalp was a little sore.  Then for the next 3 hours they couldn't help but continuously ask, "Can we shave your head now?" "Can I pull more hair out?" Not till tomorrow I replied, but behind closed doors I have to stop myself.

The last night with my hair was pretty gross. As I rolled over in the night I could feel strands sticking to my pillow. At one time during the night, I had to collect it up in a hairball pile and discard, wishing I had kept a lint brush by my side.  Sunday morning I woke up anticipating the shave, only to be sidetracked by Penelope getting stuck in the underside of the glider's ottoman. So stuck, in fact, that after removing 3 screws and 4 hex screws, we had result to the jigsaw. Unfortunately I couldnt locate my flip cam, and we missed the kodak moment in order for to keep her cool which she was soon on the verge of losing. Leave it to a 3 year old to steal my thunder. 

After Elizabeth and Scotte arrived, we started.  It took a while as it was still thick, but also because I let Penelope and Sophia give it a try for a while.  Boy did they get a kick out of it.  Scotte cleaned me up, Elizabeth filmed. 

And all I can say is it's damn cold with a bald head.  Going to work I knew it'd be ok, even picking my girls from preschool. But when I promised a childhood friend visiting from home that I'd join her at her press junket for the guiness world records (for the world's largest afro, go AEVIN JUDE DUGAS!) I hesitated all day long, trying to come up with excuses. But Scotte promised to come over & watch the girls so I could go. I internally hemmed & hawwed and finally gave in. I put on a nice top, snazzy jacket, a wrap scarf to keep my neck warm & new hat from Becca to cover my head & ears. I got there & Aevin was in her prime. We chatted and I secretly show her my head  and then convinces me to leave my hat off.  It was itching like crazy and it started to get warm inside the lounge. I had never thought I would be self-conscious about it, but I have to admit I was. Then I thought: 1, it's New York. 2, I never cared what others thought before. 3, if there's any place to look out of place, it's the guiness world record press junket. (No offense Aevin but have you seen the party you've joined? The slide show scrolled through werewolf girl, the guy who can spit milk through his eyeball, a contortionist and more.) If there was any place for me to break in my head, it was there.

Went through several meetings today with no hat, and I'm pretty ok with it.  I'll use my wig on special occasions but for the most part I think I'm ok with being bald.  It's winter.  I don't want to have to worry about wearing snow hats over my wig. 

What else?  met with the plastic surgeon today.  Turns out my left tissue extender is sliding a bit, but will be resolved when we do the exchange. 

and tomorrow it starts all over again.

much love to you all.
Laurie

CHEMO TREATMENT 1 OF 6

(updated this to include all 21 days, if you've read before skip down to day 11)

Day 1, wed - It was a long day, 8 hours at the hospital - vitals checked, check in with the Oncologist.  Then because I wasn't prescribed steriods to take the day before, my chemo intake took several hours longer.  I felt pretty good though, no pain or nausea.  Ate lunch during chemo and then dinner that night.  I took a Tylenol 3 for a slight headache that came on and then took one anti-nausea pill just in case.  Felt tired, but thought that it was more due to the long day and not because of chemo.

Day 2, thu - I took my time getting ready for work. I could feel a slowness of energy. I worked from 9am-5pm. By the time I got home, I was wiped out. No nausea, just a bit of an achiness. My in-laws had picked the girls up from dance class & beat me home. Cheryl was in the middle of chopping vegetables for stir fry. I helped, added to the mix, cooked the rest of the meal, sat down, and ate way too much. My system just couldn't digest it. It sat there. Reminded me of when I was pregnant and Penelope was sitting on my stomach and Sophia was pushing up on my esophagal tract. I decided at this time I needed to start the 4-5 small meals. Once I finished eating, I went to bed and just laid in a lathargic state. I slept well though.  I drank lots of water throughout the day.  Lemon water truly cuts out the metallic flavor in my mouth immediately and soon becomes my best friend.

Day 3, fri - I woke up feeling good, still a bit tired but able to move around. Another side effect started, but minimal. Soreness at the bottom of my feet, like i had walked several miles. Not unbearable, but I knew what it was from. Went to work, was extremely slow & tired.  Left at 4pm and went straight to bed. Graham picked the girls up from pre-school and I joined them in the living room. I laid on the couch watching my family from afar, as if I was an outsider. The girls seemed as if they had grown inches in the past several days, like I had been away for months and missed a significant part of their lives. I start to realize what I could be left out of throughout all of this & vow to stay in the present as best I can. I had a little of the Pesto Fussili Pasta with Sundried Tomatoes and Chicken - still have my appetite.  Then, went straight to bed.

Day 4, sat - Graham is loading in a show all day, but I had already scheduled the girls to be away at a friend's house till the early evening. Rich & Kim pick up the girls (dressed in their fairy princess costumes) on their way to a halloween party. When they leave I break down. I'm missing things already. But there's no way I can go. There's a freak snowstorm coming & I decide to take the opportunity to simply lie in bed & do nothing, all day long. Graham comes home and makes burritos, but I add my seasonings when necessary.  Again, I watch from afar, and eat a small burrito later on (it tasted great!)  Graham takes care of the girls' bath and bedtime while I lay comatose in bed.

Day 5, sun - I wake up and feel like a brand new person.  I make blueberry pancakes for the family, start to feel slightly sluggish so I slow down.  We enjoy a nice breakfast together, and then prepare to go grocery shopping, which is never an easy feat even sans chemo.  But we do it, even though Graham pushes the cart up 2 of the 3 hills.  Then he leaves for work, and the girls and I enjoy a light lunch.  We all nap at the same time, and then we enjoy movie Sunday.  I defrost gumbo for dinner and we enjoy a quiet evening.

Day 6, mon - I'm feeling better.  It's Halloween after all.  I prepare the girls' costumes for preschool and we head out.  On the way back to the subway after I drop them off,  I started feeling another side effect - itchiness on the palm of my right hand and then the whole thing starts to tingle.  I massage with some aveeno lotion and it all subsides.  I take it slow at work and leave a little early to meet up with the girls and in-laws at a preschool party before we head out to go trick or treating. It was a grand time, after one kid calmed down from a tantrum! We go home to find jambalaya made by daddy!  I hold off on eating for a while.  I bathe the girls and get to bed early.

Day 7, tues - It's a beautiful day so I test my limits and bike to work.  I don't push myself but take it slow.  I takes me twice as long to do it.  I discover at the office that my lemon juice bottle opened up all over the dress I was doing to change into, so I stay in my biking outfit all day - attractive.  I'm worn out but not exhausted and start to feel good.  I get through the day and leave early for the long ride home.  I arrive completely worn out, but feeling great.  The first time I think that I can get through this.  I prepared myself by asking friends and family to handle dinner and it's a true blessing.  I can work, which I have to in order to keep up with the bills and my brain, and take care of the girls.

Day 8, wed - A full week later and I'm getting into the swing of it, if that's possible.  Good energy in the morning.  4-5 meals throughout the day.  Constant lemon water at my side.  Pick up the girls, get home in time for a yummy chicken stew from the Hodge/Kefgen family.  Graham's working, so I feed the girls, bathe them, get them into bed, and crash.

Day 9, thu - Check up with Doctor says so far so good.  Check in at work, so far so good.  Pick up the girls from Wayne's house, bring them home for snack.  Then off to dance class, where I can sit for an hour and not do anything (except reply to emails).  We head home in time for dinner by Melissa.  Graham comes home early, so we eat.  I bathe the girls, get them into bed, and crash.

Day 10, fri - Again, great energy in the morning, but maybe because I decided to sleep in.  I work from 9:30am-4:30pm.  I pick the girls up from pre-school, and get home to rest a little.  Dinner by Jennifer, a mom in the area I always wanted to spend more time with, but never over my kitchen counter talking cancer.  (we need a night out together girl!)  Graham's working, so I feed the girls, bathe them, get them into bed, and crash.

Day 11, sat - FEEL GREAT THIS MORNING!  I make fresh blueberry pancakes.  We all decide that it's pajama day and lounge around and do absolutely nothing.  Good to hear laughter all day long.  Dinner by Stephanie & Casey is yummy!  But I crash early.  Graham handles bath and bed while I lay lathargic on the couch and wait for the LSUvsAlabama game to start!  GEAUX TIGERS! 

Day 12, sunday - GOOD DAY!  store, laundry, playground, football

Day 13, monday - load in at the theatre. Feel fine.

Day 14, tuesday - day 1 of 3 in teching 21 shows. Three 14 hour days in a row. The girls spend the next 4 days at their grandparents so Graham & I can rock this out. I run around the theatre as if all is normal. I forget that I have cancer and am going through chemo. It's not until after midnight until my body starts to remind me.

Day 15, wednesday - pushed myself too hard yesterday & am feeling it today. I mostly sit & have things brought to me.

Day 16, thursday - am exhausted from working three 14 hour days in a row, but it'll be worth it.

Day 17, friday - opening of the festival, and hair is really starting to fall out. I seal it to my scalp with the last of my gel, and have a great final night out with a head of hair in a long time. Unfortunately, sangrias teased me all night long.

Day 18, saturday - slow morning, recouping from a long week. But excited to see the girls, how I miss them so. When we get home I let them start to pull my hair out, and I have to stop them before they take it all! Little masochists.

Day 19, sunday - shave my head, energy & appetite are great. So even though I officially look like a cancer patient, i dont feel like one.

Day 20, monday - first day at work with the shaved head. Man, it's cold. Energy is great, appetite is great. All to just soon start over again.

Day 21, tuesday - hosted a new show at our office, and had them courted around town - all with my bald head.  In the middle of the day, I went to my appointment at the plastic surgeon's to check up on my breasts.  Inserted a bit more saline, as he confirmed that there would be some reduction when the implants are inserted.  We talk about making the desicion of doing the exchange operation before or after radiation.  More to think about.  He also confirmed that my left tissue extender is sliding a bit to the left, but that it can be corrected in the exchange surgery. 

and then we start all over again.